Posting this with a heavy heart this morning. I wrote the paragraph below yesterday on Facebook, but I wanted to write more on my blog as I am still processing the permanence of this tremendous loss.

I want to take a moment to honor our wonderful Psychiatric nursing professor, Diane Babral. We just learned that Professor Babral passed away fighting cancer this morning. Professor Babral was source of light and inspiration for us all. She was one of the kindest, most genuine, and most understanding women I've known. We collectively admired her warm, calming demeanor, spunky sense of style, openness in sharing stories, understanding, and support. I remember how she played a meditation for us during class one morning when she knew we had a Pharmacology test later that day...After our final Foundations lecture in December regarding "Death and Dying", her and I spent several minutes afterwards talking about death... I won't ever forget that. Thank you for sharing your gifts and your passion for nursing with us, Professor Babral. We will always remember you and the beautiful impact you have had on all of us. Your teaching has forever infused my life with meaning, and I will keep you in my heart during my journey through nursing. Sending you infinite peace, gratitude, and love.

I am struggling with the loss of Professor Babral because she was SUCH a special woman. I am feeling a chasm knowing I will never see her or listen to one of her lectures again. How a person may be present on earth one day and not the next is absolutely, the single, most perplexing aspect of humanity. It doesn't seem like it was her time; she had such a substantial impact to leave so soon, but I can only reason that her great impact was why she was able to leave so soon. She most definitely had an expansive impact on so many lives...patients, coworkers, colleagues, students, and I am sure family and friends. She was truly and sincerely a light for us all. She was one of the kindest, most patient, and most compassionate women, and she was also real, spunky, and a "tough cookie." 

I truly felt like my interactions with her had great meaning, and I cannot get over how ironic it was that the two of us connected on the topic of death and how it has touched our lives. 

I remember her asking in class that day, "Why are death and grieving difficult?" I was the only person to raise my hand. I answered, "Because each person is different and it's hard to know exactly what someone, or the patient's family, needs when they are grieving." She wholeheartedly agreed. 

After that class, we talked for about 15 minutes and she told me numerous stories about her experiences with death, one of which was about a child, and it was particularly hard for her. She talked about being the one to step in and call the time of death. This showed me she has great courage and strength, and her entire existence radiated compassion, so I have no doubt that she made the call in such a manner. Finally, she shared how she attended someone's funeral and everyone said to the husband, "Sorry for your loss" over and over, but she was the only one to say to him, "You know she really loved you." The husband immediately looked up and expressed his gratitude for someone finally saying what he really wanted to hear. Professor Babral had a way of knowing what people needed.

Death is inevitable. It is something that impacts our lives, often out of nowhere, and we are changed forever. It is something people seldom wish to talk about or feel. I do not consider it random that this is the topic that Professor Babral and I connected on because I feel a undeniable, deep sense of knowing that being there for others during death and being able to handle this exquisitely sensitive topic is part of my calling. 

I thank Professor Babral with all of my heart for sharing her light and passion for compassionate, holistic, and nonjudgmental care and therapeutic communication with us. I will cherish everything that she taught me as it most definitely will continue to influence the nurse I become. I intend to practice, give, and live in such a way that serves to honor Professor Babral.  I pray that her soul rests in peace, and I hope that her and my Papa are able to meet in Heaven because I KNOW that they would enjoy each other's company--My Papa was a pharmacist and I could see them having a lot to talk about regarding healthcare, plus they are two of the most influential and kind people I've ever known. I pray greatly for her family--that they may find strength, comfort, and peace through their loss and in knowing how incredible Professor Babral was and how many lives she touched.

I extend all my love to Professor Babral and her family, and I close with this thought...

Have you ever taken time to consider how your passions are woven into your life, and how they direct it? Perhaps, they aren't woven in as much as you'd like and you're looking for the way to thread them in.

Either way, our passions are unique to each of us.

I've been reflecting upon this as my friends and I have been talking about which areas of the hospital we're interested in working in. I've noticed certain units seem to attract certain personality types, and I can see where some people fit.

I've been deeply considering what I care about, what I value, and what I want. It's important to do this throughout life, so you can redirect yourself, whether that means taking baby steps or a huge leap in another direction.

I also recently had a conversation with a valued person in my life about how you become in sync with the universe when you follow your passions.

I've found this to be so true throughout my life, and I'll illustrate this with some of my life stories.

I remember when ballet was my foremost passion, and I moved 13 hours away to Orlando, Florida to pursue it.

When we stayed in a hotel on the way down, our room number was the same as what my apartment number was going to be.

I considered that synchronicity God's way of winking at me and saying, "You're doing the right thing--this needs to be done."

Some people will roll their eyes at this and brush it off as a coincidence, but the universe has a way of moving oceans for you when you're on the right wavelength, living in a way that is true to your highest self.

I don't consider it random when I had a wave of fire burn through me while I was sitting in my apartment one day in Orlando, roaring that I HAD to be a nurse.

My mom encouraged me to wean myself slowly from ballet, to keep dancing and try a college class on the side.

Well...

I started school full-time and jumped into as many volunteering and shadowing opportunities as I could.

In the mean time, I met the person I consider to be my life partner. We met in a class that was required for my major, but not for his. I was  not originally going to take the class during that specific semester, and he was taking it because it sounded like an interesting elective.

As I said, the universe has its ways.

Listen to your intuition. Recognize your interests. Don't give up on your daydreams. Do what you've always wanted to. You do not feel these desires randomly; you feel them for a reason.

Infuse you life with action. Don't wait for it to happen. Make it happen. Make your future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen--yourself, right now, right here on earth.

-Bradley Whitford

And that's all I have to say about that. :) 

Ah, I could not agree more!

This is something I am want to stay connected with each day.

I find myself rationalizing possibilities, and I believe that sometimes too much logic can be limiting.

When I look back on the course of my life so far, some of the greatest moments and changes were unplanned and...magical.

Leave some room for what's beyond "reasonable," which brings me to...

Allow passion in your life.

Is there something you lose yourself in? Something where you are so absorbed in the moment that you lose track of time? Something where you feel in sync with yourself and who you are meant to be? Do more of that. Make it happen--even if it's only once in a while.

The little moments when you feel a meaningful connection with something keep your spirit truly alive.

Quick update...

It's a huge relief to have my first two tests of the semester over with!

It has been such a busy week, and it's not over yet! I have 12 hour clinical tomorrow, so I am at the hospital from 6:30am-6:30pm. It's a long day, but I will be administering medications tomorrow (with supervision)!!! This is an exciting step closer to the goal! On Saturday, we have state convention at UVA, and I'll be there 6am-4:30pm. Long days, but I'm grateful, let me tell ya!

Anyway...

There was a precedent that the test I took most recently would be extremely difficult. Everyone was very nervous. Personally, I was terrified and concerned that I wasn't doing enough. It then dawned on me...

Who am I listening to?

It's important to consider who you are listening to, whether it is other people or the voice in your head.

What are you hearing and how do these messages serve you?

Sometimes it's necessary to light a fire under your butt to ignite motivation, but there also comes a point when nervousness, questioning, worrying, and comparing do not help.
You begin working against yourself. 

Consider who you let yourself listen to. Where are they coming from? The voice in your head can even throw a few curveballs at you. Know when to tell it to play ball somewhere else.

Last...

Know that you are different from other people and honor that. Your journey, what works for you, and what is best for you may be different. Don't worry about it: your journey is not for other people's approval and they're not judging your afterlife anyway, right? ;) 

Trust in yourself, your knowledge, your experiences, and your goals. With trust comes peace and acceptance, and confidence.

This energy along with gratitude, courage, and dedication is the perfect medium for growth, expansion, and connection, and that's really what we're for.